A Side Step..

Side-stepping from my multiply account..i just want to post a blog here..it's been months since i last opened and posted on this blog..since multiply, well..you know what's next..i even had to recover my password just to be able to manage it again..haha..

well..why the sidestep..? i just wanted to do this so that i can unload most, if not all, of what is "going on inside.."

to start off..i feel so spiritually dry..i'm so annoyed that i can't even find myself reading my Bible.. praying like i used to.. it's just not the same..i am able to study for school..but still..i don't "feel" it.. not like last semester..or last year..it's just plain different..

being a semi-antisocial is hard work..on one side, i'm able to do things "my way.." but it being double-edged..it hurts to see myself a distance from people..part of me wants to "mingle, chat, and bond" with them..but it also whispers to my ear: "Hindi naman kayo close e..wag ka na umasa.."

yes, i know it sounds stupid..and i am very much aware of my weakness..i know that it's a problem within me that i have to deal with..it's just that it's not as easy as it seems..it takes time.. patience..etc..

i do realize that i lack attention..i guess i just miss the attention that my dad used to give me.. he always looked after me..he would usually ask if i was ok..and i would always answer yes..i guess now i realize how dreadful those words are..if i had only told him everything.. i guess that was part of my dad's job here on earth.. to make sure i'm fine..

and i'm very thankful for him..and YES..i do miss my dad.. it may not seem like it..but it is the truth.. i may not seem to miss the people in my life..but deep inside..i really do..i really do enjoy the late-night chats..even if it means lacking a few hours of rest so that i can focus better on school..not to mention textmates..even if it means purchasing credits just to be able to text a good number of friends.."bonding time" is always something i would love to have..

sadly..a good number of things have changed..in and out of me..maybe producing reasons why i am not able to do these things anymore..it's just sad that i am only able to talk to myself..i "dream myself" to sleep..or write nonsense just so i can forget about such things even for a while..

well..right now..i'm already thinking of what people might say after reading this post.. number one on the list of course would be spiritual stuff..don't get me wrong..those things should always be on top..next to God of course..i guess i just lack the spirit..i'm too led by my own soul.. and not by my spirit..(wow..i really learned something from foundational doctrine..)

that's what i'd really want to have..to have the Spirit lead me in every aspect..i may not be perfect right away..but i do strive to be..

i don't expect you to be blessed by this post..it's sooooo full of sentiments that seem unable to edify..so sorry..but still..God Bless You, Reader.. -.-